27.) Domestic Violence Cycle.(7 min read)

 The following is the most common Domestic Violence Cycle. At the end of the cycle, the cycle simply repeats, unless something happens, like the abuser gets arrested or the victim is murdered. Each phase of the cycle can last for hours, days, weeks or months. Each time, the phrases can be longer or shorter. Some phases can be skipped. But the cycle will end in a Domestic Violence Event and start over, unless something happens and sadly that may be the death of the victim. 

Mandatory Arrest Programs for Domestic Violence, have shown to be successful in stopping or cutting down on future domestic violence police calls. 

There are many types of domestic violence, not just physical. There are for example- emotional abuse, controlling abuse, spiritual abuse, financial abuse, etc. Or any combination of domestic violence. 

If after reading the Domestic Violence Cycle, you feel like a camera was secretly videotaping you and your abuser in your home, don't feel alone. This is the most common reaction to hearing about the Domestic Violence Cycle for the first time. 

You need to do something or the Domestic Violence Cycle will just keep repeating itself. You need to find out more about Domestic Violence and Safe Houses in your area. Get information online, talk to a domestic violence counselor, call an Anonymous Crisis Hotline.

You must get help.

Domestic violence psychology states that the victim can actually be brainwashed by the abuser, into staying in the relationship. Brainwashing is the correct term to use, because that is what's happening. The abuser controls the victim and repeatedly tells the victim they can't make it on their own, for financil reasons, for example. And the victim believes it after a while. The victim believes they have no other choice, so the victim stays in the abusive relationship. This is why there are Safe Houses for victims to go to. The abuser does not want to have the victim talk to domestic violence counselors, because the counselors help the victim to understand the truth. The Safe Houses allow the victim go through a decompression phase from the abuser and think clearly. That is why the first thing the victim must do is get away from the abuser to clear her mind and view the situation calmly with the help of domestic violence counselors.

You must get help.

And a message to everyone: if you ever feel like you are going to hit your partner, end the relationship immediately. There is something wrong.

This is the basic Domestic Violence Cycle: Think of the face of a clock as the Domestic Violence Cycle- 

12 o'clock is the actual "Domestic Violence Event". The victim was physically assaulted, as an example.

12 to 1 o'clock is the "Remorseful Phase". This is when the abuser will feel remorseful about the domestic violent event that just occurred. The abuser may be quiet, then start to apologize, crying, saying it will not happen again, ask for forgiveness...

1 to 3 o'clock is the "Honeymoon Phase". This is when the abuser acts like they did when they first started going out with their victim partner. There may be quiet, pleasant talk, overly polite, flowers, opening doors, etc.

3 to 7 o'clock is "Normal Phase". The relationship is getting back to normal as it should be. This is when the victim feels like everything is going to be okay with the relationship. Everyone is happy.

7 to 9 o'clock is the "Tension Building Phase". Domestic violence tension starts to slowly build. The Victim may have some sense that a Domestic Violence Event may be approaching. Irritability. Some arguing.

9 to 12 o'clock is the "Domestic Violence is About to Happen Phase". Increased tension and anger by the abuser. The victim is aware that the abuser will commit domestic violence soon. Victim has feelings of living on "pins and needles" or "walking on egg shells". Signs of domestic violence continue to escalate, threats, yelling, pushing, throwing things, etc.

12 o'clock the Domestic Violence Event occurs. Repeat.

When police are called to a domestic violence event, an interesting dynamic can occur if the abuser is getting arrested. The scenario begins with an Abuser, a Victim and a Rescuer. In this example a husband and wife will be used. The scenario starts out as the Abuser is the husband, the Victim is the wife and the Rescuer is the police officer. When the police officer starts to affect the arrest, the Abuser husband begins to resist and a struggle begins. When this happens the dynamic from the victims viewpoint changes. The wife as The Victim, begins to see her husband The Abuser, now as The Victim of the police officer and the police officer is now viewed as The Abuser of her husband. And the wife now views herself as The Rescuer to save her husband. This is when the wife starts attacking the police officer to save her husband from the police officer. So what ends up from the victim's viewpoint, is her husband is now the Victim, the police officer is now the Abuser and she is now the Rescuer. This is quite an explanation to write out. It is much easier with triangular diagrams , but this media format prevents that. I hope you can understand it. 

This is presented here to help the victim, the abuser and maybe even some police officers, further understand the psychological dynamics that Domestic Violence brings into the home, domestic violence calls and arrests.

Do you think this Domestic Violence Cycle should be part of a mandatory curriculum in high school education?